Hmmm, let’s see…
01. Yeah, this is okay. I know some people who collect keys and make drinkers stay the night. And if you’re going to be the designated driver, be willing to take people home even if you don’t get reimbursed for it. Pay it forward.
02. Everything? Including Windex and hand sanitizer and prune juice? I didn’t think so. Also, only drink within your limits. Unbeknownst to you, parties aren’t fun if you don’t remember anything the next day/morning.
03. This statement has two logical errors: it assumes that everyone has an upstairs and that all parties should be about sex. This generation takes sex too lightly, too casually. I mean, why care about consequences when you can just party your days away? (PS, it’s pretty disgusting to think that you’re having sex where someone else just did, all sweaty and sticky and *shudder*.)
04. Some people are horrible dancers. Some people are shy. Some people don’t want to be there. Music acts as a buffer for all these people. It’s the gravity which holds them all together. So it’s cool that some people shouldn’t be afraid to dance and enjoy themselves, but don’t force anyone else to.
05. No, don’t puke! If you’re throwing up, then stop drinking. If you’re solely at this party for the alcohol, leave. Reassess your values. Please, for my sake. Y’all are gonna give me a headache.
06. Ahahahah. I’m sorry. In the event of the police arriving, your smart idea is to hide upstairs? You’re probably forgetting that the cops have the authority to enter your house if they suspect underage drinking, so all you’re doing is trapping people upstairs. (I’m italicizing it again because you’re assuming that this is a two+ story house.) So yeah, don’t do this.
07. Well, I dunno about you, but I know how alcohol works. Alcohol clouds your vision, so that you have a hard time determining what’s worth saying and what isn’t. You could even say that alcohol provokes drama more than it hinders it. So you can hardly demand that your party denizens keep drama away if you’re allowing alcohol.
08. My guess for this is that your house has a garage for storage, not cars. Plus you like hotboxing. Well, it’s your property, so I can’t really stop you from this, but it sounds like a serious fire hazard, and I’d hate to see you burn down your garage.
09. “I’m totally going to fuck Ben tonight.” “You know he has, like, warts and shit, right?” “I don’t care, I’m gonna fuck him.” [several days later] “Oh shit! I have herpes. How could this have happened!?”
You’d be surprised how many times this scenario comes up in teenage conversations. It’s such an easily preventable problem, and I just wish today’s youth would take it seriously. (Say yes to cockblocking.)
10. What if it’s a boring bitch party? Never minding where guys fit into this equation, I previously stated that people are at this party for different reasons. Maybe instead of getting mad at girls for being boring, you can talk to them and help them out with what’s making them sad. I think that it’d be the ladylike thing to do. (Guys, respect the girls and don’t fight.)
11. The easiest way to do this is to not be such a self-centered asshole. That’s it. It’s the only thing you need to do. Good luck.
brb, throwing a boring bitch party.